Old and Cheesy

Is it normal to be this happy? Did it just take 40 years to get to this place? I suppose I am finally grown up now and I know what is important. I’m so “mushy” now when it comes to my family I’m almost embarrassed.

My husband and kids were playing cards at the table the other night, laughing and having a great time. I can’t believe how playing games really brings us together, there’s the “cheesy” part. I sat and watched, so happy we were altogether. My husband and I were both married before so we have the “all” the kids every other weekend and a couple of days during the week. Maybe that’s why I appreciate our time together. Our family “bonding” keeps improving since we married. It’s amazing to watch.

Yesterday my husband took them sledding, he was one of the few dads that was willing to do it too. The sun was out, it was nice and icy for sledding. After warming up we went to my Grandma’s so I could do her hair. The weather kept her in the last few days. Then off to my Dad and stepmom’s house. She is Dominican and I wanted her to cook a Dominican meal, but it’s hard to find those foods here. After a great meal, and dessert, we played “farkel” a dice game. My Dad is an alcoholic, but since he’s been with his wife, he seems to keep it under control. She takes good care of him and keeps him in check. He’s seems like a new person since knowing her. Truly happy, I believe that has stopped the crazy drinking. We spend much more time with him now, he is great to be around sober. My son in finally getting to know his Grandpa after 15 years. People can change for the better.

 

My husband is almost 3 years sober, so proud of him. He says he still thinks about it everyday, it sucks. He’s out running right now, if he wasn’t sober, that would not be happening. I hate that it is a struggle for him everyday, something I can’t control. I fell in love with him when he was still drinking, so I know him sober or not. I will love him no matter where he is in recovery, if he slips and falls,we are here. I can see him enjoying his daughters and they love him so much. They’ve come along way.

CABIN COMFORT

dogs enjoying the couch with my daughter

                 

family and Lily the goat who thinks she’s a dog

 

CABIN COMFORT

I am fortunate enough that my Mom has a weekend place, a cabin, lake and 30 acres. This place is perfect to relax and enjoy my family and dogs. It’s therapeutic to get away from home sometimes, walk in the woods, take a long ride on the sport utility, fish, swim or check out the creeks. The kids love it here anytime of the year. My Mom cooks comfort food, anything the kids want. She spoils us all. From rubbing my sons feet and back to baking a homemade pie for us and the nice neighbors. The just don’t make Mom’s like they used too. My husband reads and likes the rides thru the country with us. It small and quaint  with a charming loft that the kids love. I noticed being in smaller quarters makes you interact more with your family, you have too. It is a warm and cozy place in the winter with a huge Christmas tree. Cool and comfortable in the summer, with great food off the grill.

I have many great memories here and I’m sure there are more to come. I love seeing the kids enjoying nature and getting dirty instead of playing video games or on their phones. My husband purposed to me here with candles lit, just he and I.

Slow down, take time to look around,take a walk, sit in silence on your porch with your favorite drink. Listen, and think of all the positive things in your life. Yes, I may have a bad day every once in a while, but I can just think of the ones I love and who love me and I feel much better. I’m thankful for all I have and who I have.

 

 

Fuzz Ball Therapy

 

I have always been an animal lover, especially dogs.  I’ve had amazing, loving dogs.  Maybe it’s because one of my first dogs was my best friend. Part border collie and who knows what else, was a great mix.  He was always there for me when I ran out of my abusive household.  Tears streaming down and he always made me feel better.  It was like he knew I needed him.  Petting him was therapeutic.  He followed me everywhere, down to my Grandparent’s lake, out in the woods.  He went to the bus stop with me and was there everyday when I got off.  I always wondered how he knew when the bus was coming.  We felt safe camping if he was in the tent with us even though he only weighed fifty pounds. We moved to town and he disappeared.  I called my uncle to see if by some chance he had seen “Panda”.  He said yes, didn’t you drop him off here?  No, Panda decided to walk 12 miles back to where we used to live to see my uncle’s dog, his girlfriend.  How he got there in one piece I don’t know.  I picked him up, took him to town again and he went back one more time.  At least I knew where to look for him.  Did he cut thru the fields and country, or did he take the road?  He was a smart dog.  He lived to 17, I think he had a good life.

One of my current dogs is a yellow lab and hound mix I think.  I bought her for $50 outside a Wal-Mart.  Super good dog, sweet as ever.  I can walk her without a leash, she sticks by my side unless there happens to be a squirrel in sight.  Then it’s hard for her to listen to me.  You would think she would figure out after 8 years that she CAN’T catch anything.  She’s very in tune with people and there feelings.  We were at the river once and a couple little girls started screaming, my lab took off up the river to “help” I guess.  I told the people she won’t hurt you, she thinks something is wrong.  I guess a 100 lb Twinkie could be scary if it was running at you.

I got a truck specifically for my dogs.  They love riding in the back and going for ice cream cones.  My husband says they are spoiled, yes they are, they deserve it.  Sometimes I really think they take the sadness out of us and absorb it.  Like they would rather be sad than us.

I really appreciate all the unconditional love pets can give.  I come home everyday and walk my dogs no matter what the weather.  That’s the least I can do for all they do for me. 

PLEASE……spay and neuter your pets.

Kids Are Home

One of the many negative things about being divorced is sharing your children.  I would never take my son away from is father but it is very hard when it’s time for him to leave my house.  I sit here now with my son and two step-daughters, they’re watching tv.  Our home seems whole when they are all here.  It’s almost to quiet when they leave.  Maybe it’s the two extremes that get me.  Too quiet, to a lot of laughter and sometimes fighting.  Typical sibling bickering but it all sounds good and normal.  I know it is hard for them to live in two different households, with different sets of rules.  My son said once, he missed Dad when he was with me and missed me when he was with Dad.  That broke my heart.  I will always feel guilty about getting divorced.  I just try to be the best Mom and step-mom I can.  They call each other brother and sister, they seemed to have adjusted well to our blended family.  Kids are resilient.

missed every hour apart

 loved like no other

lost without your smiles

priceless gifts we cherish

unexplainable adoration

you will never know

until babies of your own

anything for you

no question

unconditional love

strong, everlasting

Sledding in Missouri

I took my two oldest kids sledding today, plus a fat yellow lab and a humane society mutt.  It was quite cold but the young don’t seem to mind.  Our dogs love to chase the kids down the hill, the lab barking and grabbing their hoods or whatever she can get ahold of.  Sometimes skin.  We can’t figure out if she trying to “save” them or playing.  The kids had a great time, the dogs an even better time I think.  My 100 lb daughter was like a rag doll, flying down the icy hill.  A few faceplants took place too.  Hot chocolate was necessary after, and the dogs are snug in their dog houses for the night.  Hopefully my old lab can walk in the morning, she doesn’t get that much exercise typically. Hope we get more snow for the kids and dogs to enjoy.

Kids In The Kitchen

Today the kids and I made cookies and  snacks.  It was really fun to have them all three helping and working together.  I don’t think I had the patience when I was younger to have a little chaos in the kitchen.  Maybe I appreciated them more since the recent tragedy in Connecticut.  I’m thankful I have this memory with them even though there was some bickering in between the fun.  How do you move on after loosing a child?  I hope I never have to know.  Sweet little children all excited about Santa coming down their chimneys soon, putting up their trees, opening presents and stuffing their bellies with sugar cookies made by Grandma.  I don’t understand how “God” could let this happen…..?  Tragedies like this is one of the many reasons I have left the Catholic Church.  I tried the Baptist religion for a while a chose to leave it behind also.

Do things like children dying for no reason happen so we wake up and stop taking things for granted?  It does work for me.  Maybe people will stop their bitching and moaning about little stuff and be thankful for all the positive things in their lives.  I’m thankful we are all happy and healthy, safe and sound.  The kids played football outside today, it was beautiful out.  I got the dogs out and let them run around with and play with the neighbors dog.  I sat in a chair while my 50 lb pooch sat on my lap to rest.  He loves to cuddle and dog therapy is so good for me.  I swear I can feel the good energy and love oozing out of my fuzzballs.  They have so much love to give, cheesy, but I believe that.  The kids climbed trees and I just took it all in, feeling so content.  I must be getting older if this stuff makes me all gushy inside.  The sound of them laughing and driving each other crazy is a great sound.  If I ever get frustrated, I just remember they will be grown up soon and off to college and the house will be too quiet.  The older I get I’m learning what “family” is really all about.  We don’t have a lot of money, but we have enough, no fancy cars, but reliable, nice cars, no mansion, but a warm, cozy home with people I love.  I’m getting older and wiser by the day.